MBX

I don't know why I am so upset today.
i don't fall in love with people.
i am not a little kid.
My thoughts want to go today toward thinking that i won't be okay without you.
This is why i never depend on people.
Because i have to know that i will be okay without them.
i can't let these weaknesses take hold.
i am not this kind of person.
i don't have these weepy emotions.
i don't become heart strong friends with other people.
i don't cry for days when my friend moves away.
You just snuck up on me.
What makes you such a fool is what makes you so sneaky.
You have no standards for yourself.
You will accept any mongrel on the street exactly as she is.
i am past this.
i am an adult.
i don't cry when my friends move away.
We must have had a deal before we came to this planet.
It's just stupid, stupid stuff that I will miss.
Going to the grocery store together.
I never had any friend who wanted to do that with me.
Only sisters want to do that stuff.
And maybe not so stupid stuff, too.
Like how my daughter only REALLY talks to people she trusts.
And that's about 6 people on the planet.
And you are one of them.
You really are the best friend I ever had.
But, don't flatter yourself.
This is because i pick horrible friends.
Why couldn't i just stay mad at you and shoo you out?
Then i wouldn't be sad.
But, I am so glad that I didn't do that.
I am so glad that I could see through my own garbage enough to know.
So that I was able to tell you how much I love you and how sad I am that you're leaving.
i wanna write your dad back.
i wanna tell him that he is right about you.
That you make silly decisions and that, yes, at your age you should have a 401K.
But, he is just doing the same thing as me.
He just wants to keep you somehow.
It's easier to get mad at you and Lawrence you.
It's hard to watch you go through your life taking these crazy risks.
What if something happened to you?
What would your dad and i do?
We might be okay without you living next door, but we WOULD NOT be okay without you at all.